She has nothing to apologizefor. None of this is her fault. She's just as much a victim here asI am!Her hand slowly evaporates from my grasp as the brightness surroundingher becomes blinding, even painful to look at. I shut my eyes tightand turn away. I hear a beep from somewhere and then people shoutingand then nothing.There is nothing but darkness. I open one eye, just slightly, andstruggle to adjust to the light. I am completely disoriented. Aftera somewhat confused survey of the room and people around me, I have noidea where I am or how I got here or who all of these people are? Iam on a strange bed. There are a hand full of people gathered in thesmall room. They are making a lot of noise and I don't recognize anyof them.I assume that this is some kind of weird dream and roll over to tryand get back to sleep. Everyone gets louder! Someone mentions Amber.Thank God! I had dreamed that she had died or something. I see someof the machines by the bed. One of them won't. Mrs. Cole's remark was that her indescretion proceeding from a constitutional facility, there were little hopes of any thing curing her of it, but repeated severe experience. Mine was that I could not conceive how it was possible for mankind to run into a taste, not only universally odious, but absurd, and impossible to gratify; since, according to the notions and experience I had of things, it was not in nature to force such immense disproportions. Mrs. Cole only smil'd at my ignorance, and said nothing towards my undeception, which was not affected but by ocular demonstration, some months after, which a most singular accident furnish'd me, and which I will here set down, that I may not return again to so disagreeable a subject.I had, on a visit intended to Harriet, who had taken lodgings at Hampton-court, hired a chariot to go out thither, Mrs. Cole having promis'd to accompany me; but some indispensable business intervening to detain her, I was obliged to set out alone; and scarce.
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