I thanked him for his suggestions and made the font change. I didn't even mind the implied criticism.I posted the story, it was a little out of place because the site specializes in erotica, but they allowed about anything legal to be posted.It was up for less than eight hours and I started getting emails. Most were complimentary but several with some sincere criticism. I went back and did a thorough spell and punctuation check, and fixed some run on sentences, also paragraphs were too long. One person pointed out that I was being unrealistic on how long I was having my character hit a golf ball, the story was a fantasy but hey he was right about it being unrealistic, and he had brought it up politely so no reason not to make a change. After making those corrections I reposted the story awaiting further comments and hoping for a few compliments.There were some attaboys and requests to keep writing, but another reader pointed out that my story would go better if it was a girl. “Those I associate with all have an agreement between us. Should one die by the hand of an outsider, the rest of us will chase the murderer restlessly until they are caught and killed alongside the loved ones, alongside anyone they ever had sentiment toward-” Mayor Deg coughed blood, his words of warning only made Zax tighten his hold on his dantian.“I don’t care if you have the five powers behind-”“No! Not the five powers! We may not be as strong, but we are also not as fickle! My acquaintances will surely avenge-” Again, Zax’s dark attribute energy began to assault the old man’s internals.WHOOSH!Zax flew, maintaining his hold on mayor Deg, in a few seconds he made it to the mayor office building.“Look!”From the ground, residents of Monivore city felt a gust of rancorous wind blowing. Shifting the gazes up they met a sight that caused all their hearts to sink.“It’s mayor Deg!”A woman in a skirt suit alarmingly called, pointing with her finger. She worked in the mayor office building.
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