The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van.He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old dog."What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks."I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and I'll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.When the bear falls off the roof, the dog is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner."What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner."If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."This one is compliments of Chuck...A young law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"Student: "OK. So I'd like to. I smiled and nodded for him to sit. I looked him over while he ordered. I told him to call me Ben."So tell me what you wanted to see me about, Ben. Please, call me Joe. Only my mother ever called me Joseph and that usually was only when I was in trouble," he said with a grin."Well, the word is, that you have some funding for your research; but you need some specialty programming. As it happens, I have something that might fit the bill. Also, I can invest in your research a bit if that will help," I said.We paused here and the waitress came and took our orders. I informed Joe that the meal was on me and he ordered enough for two people. I smiled. I placed my own order and the waiter left."How did you find out about my research? Most labs refused funding or research space, and I was even offered money and a job by a couple companies if I changed my research to something more anti-bacterial," he said looking at me intently."Simple, really. You applied for grants in several places, a few.
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