I had convinced myself the reason I fantasized about men was because I was touching a penis while fantasizing, not that I actually desired one. Now I know. I am gay. A homo, a queer, a faggot, a sissy, a pillow biter, stem jockey, cum catcher.That's why I am keeping this diary. I came from family and friends that at best look down on gays and at worst are convinced gays are the a plague on mankind. That God himself is using the gays to spread the disease of the immoral, AIDS, among the immoral, impure, damned. Gays are the instrument for both the cause and cure of the plight of the immoral. I can't help but wonder, Dear Diary, what were the excuses for hating gays before AIDS? Anyway, Ricky has called several times since the night I let him blow me. He knows I am having a crisis of identity. I denied being a faggot all my life. Here, I find out I not only enjoyed the oral treat Ricky offered me, but want to return the favor. I suddenly crave, no, NEED a cock in my mouth. I want to. ?" Yes, that's it, it was just after my inheritance was probated and werealized we didn't both of us have to work any more, and decided thatyou should be the one to quit and be the stay-at-home. Because I loveeverything I do at the office and you didn't like anything you did inyours, so you said you'd much rather stay home and take care of thehouse and work on your novel. " Allie, don't change the subject! You can't be pregnant! We agreedwhen we first got married, no babies! That your work and career was tooimportant to you, much too important, and besides, neither of us reallywanted the fuss and mess of raising kids! You were quite clear abouthow children interfere with people's lives. So I got a vasectomy, sothere'd be no question about it, I'd never be tempted to change my mindand urge you to change yours. Honey, I've been shooting blankspractically since our wedding night! So how can you possibly bepregnant? And why are you so pleased by the idea? There's got to be.
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