Gloria was my best mate; there was no doubt about it. She wasalways there for me when I needed her and during the weeks we had shared ahouse together we had become accustomed to each others ways and littlefoibles. It was almost like being a married couple!An internal explosion went off in my head like a flash of light. Now Iknew why I wasn't able to build any long-term relationships with otherpeople; I was in love with Gavin/Gloria! But which one did I love? Was itthe boy or the girl; or both? And was the "me" that was in love "KT" or"Katy"? Oh this was wonderful and awful at the same time. And what ifhe/she didn't feel about me the way I did about him/her? The thoughtsraced through my brain.I would be heading off home for the Christmas holidays in a couple ofday's time and I would need to keep my feelings secret until then. Ineeded time away from Gavin/Gloria to get my thoughts and feelings intosome sort of order. Clearly our relationship would need to be addressedand things brought. You never have been. You have always let others lead you. You’ve always let others fight your battles, but, that is not a sin. There is nothing wrong with being yourself. You are weak… but there is no offense in weakness. So… I want you to be who you really are… and I want you to surrender to me. NOW!’ With a soft moan, I allowed my eyes to close… allowed my body to slump forward and settle into his arms… allowed my mind to capitulate and sleep. Sleep. Oh, glorious sleep! Why had I fought him? I was born to yield to this feeling. This was not like when I had been semi-awake and bare before the crowd. Now, I was DEEP. He spoke to me, and I heard, but I couldn’t discern his words. I found myself nodding at times. ‘One Two Three.’ And I awoke. I was breathing deeply. My body wanted something… there was a deep need within me. It was a lot like before, when my breasts tingled with anticipation, only now, it was my entire body. ‘And now, again,’ he told me. ‘Look in my eye now, please.’ I.
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