The best part of it, though, was also the worst: every man in the restaurant kept either staring at me or sneaking glimpses, looking away when I met their eyes. I guess it didn't help that Howard had bought me a low-cut black evening dress to wear. He had even brought in a beautician to help me with my makeup. When I had looked in at myself in the full-length mirror before leaving I had turned myself on, so I could sympathise with these men. I even quite enjoyed the attention, but at the same time I wanted to tell them all the mistake they were making, that they were just looking at an animated shell, occupied by a man they probably wouldn't even like. Howard was charming. Men are so different around women, or at least women they want to impress. For my part I found myself laughing at jokes that weren't even funny.In the taxi on the way home, however, we both fell silent. I found myself feeling almost a sense of loss that I could not relax into my role properly. Martin kept. Just not feeling good, I don't know what, but I'm not up to sex right now." For the tenth time in the last month, Rebecca turned me down when I snuggled up to her. We hadn't discussed her lack of sex drive, beyond the fact that she didn't have one, and attempts to talk about it led nowhere.Rebecca started to feel less interested in her life shortly after Millicent was born. For a long time I suspected it was jealousy after her insisting we include Winnie in our bed, but apparently that was not it, because Rebecca would play with Winnie and Collen off and on. Recently, however, she's been passing on joining them.If it was chemical I wanted to get to the bottom of it. If her problem was medical, I wanted to find out how, why, and what to do about it. Rebecca wanted to let it slide for a while and see if it went away on its own. I was afraid she would opt to go away, instead of getting her problem to go away. Lots of relationships fail to survive the stresses of childbirth, and we had.
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