I had Calvin follow me back to John's after breakfast, and the three of us got together at John's kitchen table to list and draw out the available land that we wanted to work. All the fields were listed as to size and what we knew had been planted in them as far back as we could find out. John said he would get with the older guys, Pete and Bert, to find out what they had planted, and thought that he should soon be able to get Willard's information as well.John and Calvin began making up which fields should be planted in what crop from what we knew. If a field was going to be put into alfalfa, it would remain in that for approximately five years. Fields that had been planted in soy beans the past year didn't need additional build up with alfalfa for the nitrogen.The two men had a decent plan by noon. I left the two to go over all the available equipment to see what needed work, and what needed replacing. I stopped by the widow Fletcher's place on the way home, and asked if she would. She kept pressing me to tell her my problems but I wouldn’t budge. She made it clear that if I ever needed to talk to her about anything at all, she would always be there to listen. I really felt bad putting my mom through this, but I didn’t know what to do until now. So, here I am, nineteen, nervous as hell and ready to go talk to her about my problem. I want to state for the record that I’m only doing this out of concern for my mental health rather than for the sex. Out of pain and desperation, my feet started to move on their own, toward the sofa. She saw me approaching and gave me a big smile, which made my heart melt. I knew she loved me–her pride and joy as a loving son, but I loved her more than just as a mother.“Mom.”“Yes dear,” she sweetly said.“Mom, remember how you said I could talk to you about what’s been bothering me for the past couple of months.”She perked up at the fact that I finally wanted to discuss my feelings. If she only knew what those feelings were.“Ahuh. Do.
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