. I couldn't. I was an adult involved in some sort of adolescent game. It was wrong, and dangerous. Instead, I sat on the bed propped up against the headboard and opened my book. I stared at the page, but didn't read a single word. I thought about Tara and worried.After everyone turned in for the night, I tossed and turned in bed. Although I was a bad sleeper, I usually didn't have problems falling asleep. I simply didn't need as much sleep as other people and didn't sleep through the night. Maybe doing the jigsaw puzzle would get me tired so I went downstairs wearing only my pajama bottoms.Hunched over the table with a puzzle piece clamped between my index finger and thumb, moving it over the incomplete picture searching for a place to put it, I heard a noise behind me and looked over my shoulder. It was Tara, dressed the same as earlier except without a bra. I stared at her tits and then looked up at her face."What's the matter?" I asked."I'm not tired." You have a game tomorrow.. Her marriagewas her bond to traditions and customs of which I had nounderstanding. But I had to have her. But how? The quickest answer was the most unappealing:Rape. I seriously considering raping her. I knew I could doit. I knew her daily habits, her address, and hervulnerabilities. But I knew it would be wrong. I couldn’tbare to see her in fear or pain. That was the most tellingpoint of my feelings for her. I truly cared about her, andeven wondered if I was in love with her. She was so alluring, so magical in every movement andglance. So how else? Getting her drunk? Drugs? None ofthose seemed feasible based on her social habits and raremoments alone in a party setting. I just needed to makesomething happen, and then I was sure she would go along.Something she couldn’t deny or ignore. If she harbored evena fraction of the want I had for her in her breast, I knewwe could be together. The plan came to me so clearly. So perfectly as Ifantasized about her.
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