When These words left her mouth I knew I could have have what I'd wanted for so long. Her eyes were briming with tears as she told me how it felt to seem to be not wanted. I do my best to keep myself in shape you know, but he dosen't seem to notice, always work work work, that's all he seems to think about, or else he has someone younger than me somewhere. Oh god I so want to feel wanted,,do you want me???. Yes I said, breah catching in my throth. We sat in silance for a few minutes, she looking at me with a sad face, when I smiled at her, her whole face would light up, making my heart jump.It was then I thought if she offers herself to me I cant take advantage of her like this. Angie rose and walked round the table to me and stood at my shoulder, I looked up at her and said whatever happens next is just between you and me, I don't want you throwing in your husbands face some night when you're having a row, ok!!!. Just between me and you she said. Her hands were on my shoulders. I heard everything. There are no nerves in the brain, therefore, no need for an anaesthetic. ‘With all the damage in here the man should not be alive. At best he will be a vegetable.’ The surgeon resented the obscene amount of money being spent on what he saw as a hopeless case. The man had halitosis. The stink of his breath made me determined to prove him wrong. Physiotherapy: hours of wracking pain, frustration and total exhaustion re-learning how to sit up, to stand and then walk. There’s no way I will pass through an airport metal detector again without setting the alarms howling, I have more steel inside me than the average family car! I wished I could scream at the therapist to leave me alone, that it was all too much. But I still could not speak. It was not, is not, a physical a thing they can fix. Something is missing inside my head. One day on the walking machine I tripped and fell, banging my newly repaired skull against a railing on my way down. I woke up back in my bed.
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