The mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.*P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.*P: Something loose in cockpitS: Something tightened in cockpit*P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.*P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.*P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.*P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.*P:. We will do the birthday spanking before the meal from now on".What I think amazed me then most about past two days is how ladies took everything that occurred in stride. They were completely able to handle the psychological aspects of spanking and still have smiles on there faces that were not forced. They wanted to mingle with me, the ones yet to 'get it' and the ones that had already 'got it'. I wanted learn everything about everyone one of them.The ladies had placed an armless chair in the center of the eating area so I went over and sat in it. There was a small table on the left side of the chair, to put the paddle on. The ladies think of everything.Anita came over and said, "Sir, please give me my birthday spanking".I said "Ok honey". I pulled the strings on her bikini and helped her over my lap. I took the ping pong paddle, tapped the paddle on her butt a couple of times, and gave her a half strength swat on her left buttock and continued switching cheeks each time.Smack!.
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