I turned away from Erica, so she wouldn't have to see me lose it. She'd suffered enough already. I felt the tears rise, unbidden, and I started for the gate. I had to get out of there.I barely made it as far as the driveway. It was too much. I closed the gate behind me and crumbled to the ground, seated with my head between my knees, my hands covering my head. It was Christmas, damn it! Christmas! My girls were supposed to be with me, shaking their presents and trying to guess what was in them. Instead Allora and Briana were gone. Their lives snuffed out before they could see anything of the world, before they could find their place, before they could fall in love. No shaking presents. No stomach aches from eating too many holiday sweets. No late night parties to drive me crazy with worry. No learning to drive. No struggling to find the right college. No bringing a boy home for the first time. No cramming for tests. No Spring Breaks. No proms. Nothing. Ever again.I was sobbing, and. Took a built for the 1st amendment right. My hat is off to the Bi-Polar, crazy man who had a dream what Porn should be like. Great movie is, the people VS Larry Flynt. )Now when my mom would got to work at the P/T job,& leave me with my S/F (home on disability). Left me pray for him to fill his sexual gratification, that she was not providing. When my mom would leave, my S/F take out his new magazine of Hustler. He would take me into the living room, & tell me to take my clothes off. Keep in mind that my S/F was famous for always walking around the house naked. ( always wonder what it would been like if I was a girl, see daddy walk around naked all the time lol)So in walks naked S/F with a magazine, told to take my cloths off. Became suck a retinue, when my mom would go to work. That I would get naked when she left, & be ready for my S/F & magazine. This was the basic training that made me 3times a day masturbater. He would always start out with the same brain washing comment, this.
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