"What the hell are you doing?"I looked up to see my sister standing in the doorway. I'd still beenholding out hope that I'd see Alexis, or something similar, but of courseI had no such luck. This was the same Alana I'd left behind 10 days ago,the one with the dyed-black hair and the nose and lip rings and the smellof cigarettes wafting off her skin."Let me guess," she continued. "You fell down and you're too fat to getup on your own." Why do you hate me so much?" I asked."Because there's so much of you to hate," she responded bitingly. OK, Iwalked into that one. But I seriously wanted to talk to her about this -not because I thought she'd have any answers on how to fix my situation,but because I needed to know if there was anything I could've done asAndrew to have a relationship with Alana like the one Alana had withAlexis."Is that it?" I asked. "You just hate me because I'm fat?"I expected another joke from Alana, but she hesitated in her answer."Well, no," she eventually said,. Sometimes she is in my arms but in the end we divide and take up lonely positions. The dawn brings the reality streaming in, the traffic starting to drone into one morning herd. "I did it because I wanted to see why we were together and if I was just a symbol to you, that’s why it happened like that." In my own mind it is slightly less clear, though this seems like it actually might be true. "You mean you did bad sex on purpose?" "Yes, but if it's any consolation I didn’t enjoy it to the extent that it appeared, in fact it was just as bad for me, plus the fact that men have to perform." "Hmm" she says, after a brief deliberation, already with her professional mind dusted off for work; "so I’ll try it with someone else," she says, casting me aside like a worn Duracell bunny. The message is loud and clear – there are many other contenders for this honey pot and it might be time for a reshuffle. But I am also in a philosophical mood about it. It started with bad sex, so it finishes with.
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