So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I can. I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to. At least he didn’t cry.While holding him, I heard some voices inside as Naiya was waking up from her nap. I left the door open and carried little Paul inside so that I could check on Naiya.I had no idea how much time had passed when Karen came to me. I was watching Naiya and Paul interacting and playing with the toys that had gradually taken over our living room. When I noticed that Karen had been crying I immediately got worried. Karen saw the look on my face and just shook her head.“No, not now, Greg. You should go to talk to Marie - or rather listen to her. Why don’t you go to the backyard? It’s a nice place to sit, as long as the sun is up.”I guess she saw that I was about to protest since she smiled and shook her head. Why had there been tears in her eyes? Why?“Please, do as I asked. I’m okay with it and we’ll talk later, I promise. I’ll prepare something to eat for these two toddlers. Unless you fed them recently.”“No, I have just...”I blushed when I realized that I had just.
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