He finally felt reasonably decent about himself and realized he was doing it as much for himself as for them. That was hard for him to admit, but he knew it was way past time for him to start being honest with himself. On that Friday, Julie was out grocery shopping and he was talking with Zach while he replaced a light fixture that had shorted out in their entryway. He and Zach talked about nearly everything, but then Zach got quiet all of a sudden. Todd noticed and asked if something was wrong with what he was doing for them."No, no," Zach reassured him, "you are fantastic for helping us. But Julie needs something else and I can't do it for her. I am afraid I am going to lose her because I can't do one fucking thing for her, including fucking, and she has nearly worn herself to nothing taking care of me. I have a question, Todd. Do you find Julie attractive?"Todd looked Zach in the eyes to see if he could figure out where this was going. Jealousy? Fear? A secret hate for any man who. So much so that in fact I'd often...ohgod that can't have any bearing on this. Can it??This body had to pee. I went to the bathroom trying to concentrate,trying to think. I knew enough to sit down. I knew enough to releasemy bladder. The feeling of it releasing was totally alien. Even thesound of it spraying into the toilet was different. I finished. Istood up, purposely not looking, and pulled up the panties, not knowingenough to wipe myself. This is her bathroom. Turquoise bathmat. Matching towels. A clearshower curtain. Shelves filled with soaps and shampoos and make up. Abox of tampons on the bottom shelf. Hair clips, bobby pins, scrunchiesand barrettes were in a big white painted wooden bowl. Just unreal. Ifelt like a trespasser. I was a trespasser far beyond any sense ofreality. I reached for the flowered kimono robe that hung on the backof the door. Suddenly I jumped when I heard knocking at the door. "Jen! You betterbe in there." Now what. Now I.
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