A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.!) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or. I wasn't expecting any shagging or anything; I'm not a complete bastard. As I snuggled up behind her she sat up, and in a voice I'd never heard her use before shouted,"Get out of my bed, you bastard, it's your fault that they're dead!"I was astonished, both by what she said and by the hate and vehemence in the voice she had used to say it. I knew it would be a waste of time to try talking to her, so I got out of bed and went downstairs and slept in an armchair in the sitting room. Occasionally I would creep up to the bedroom to see how she was; most of the time she was tossing and turning and sobbing fit to bust. As for the 'loving' son – well, he went down the pub after the wake and came in past midnight, smelling of booze and pussy juice. He ignored me and went up to his room.Miriam was a bit more with it in the morning. I didn't mention what she had said the night before, I passed it off as a distressed daughter full of Valium talking bollocks. She agreed to spend the rest of the.
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