I'd written an angry e-mail, and then sat on it until I cooled down. I revised it, toned it down some, apologized for hanging up but once again tried to explain how even her name affected me. I sent it using one of the company's dummy accounts. It went out with no return address, and no one short of the NSA would be able to trace it, and I'm not sure they could.I think that's when my pain began to morph into anger. At least I could let my anger convince me that it didn't matter, I didn't need them. I didn't need anyone. Anyone who's ever taken a stand like that knows it's not true. I'm not sure you can actually die physically of loneliness, but you certainly can spiritually. Spending time with Cindy let me recover, she saved me. I'd been in spiritual ICU and the end had been near.Now, as I worked my way back, it was like any other recovery: you paid the price. If your leg goes to sleep, it will tingle painfully as you restore circulation. When you heart goes cold, you feel even more. 'We need a clean bowel for the type of pelvic MRI we're doing on this young lady. In fact, she's the first patient to have our new type of scan.'Just then, Nikki was pushed in by the orderly. The technician came into the room, leaving the medical students watching through the observation window. Nikki was looking at the MRI bed. It was covered by a sheet and there was a odd-looking bulge holding up the middle of the sheet like a small tent. Nikki wondered what on earth it was.The technician asked Nikki to stand up, so she grabbed her catheter bag and stood there holding it while the tech pushed the wheelchair outside. When he came back he was carrying a tube of KY jelly and asked Nikki to bend over the bed.'But why?' she asked.'Well, we have to lubricate your bottom so the pelvic probe can slide in.''But this is an MRI scan!' objected Nikki.'That's right,' said the technician. 'And we're doing the scan though a special probe that fits inside your rectum. I gather nobody told you how.
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