” This was one of my difficulties. When we were out, I could hardly take Janet into the women’s section of the public toilets. I usually had to wait until I saw a respectable looking woman, and ask if she would take Janet. Now I turned to Alice. “She wants to…” “Yes, I heard. I’ll take her. You wait here.” She extended her hand to Janet, who looked up at me. “Its all right, darling, Mrs.Albright will take care of you.” Janet moved to her and took Alice’s hand and they moved off. Not for the first time, I felt myself near tears. “How could she? How could she leave a lovely child like Janet?” On their return, Alice took us first to the restaurant. Having settled Janet comfortably on a couple of cushions at a table, she asked, “Would you like to meet Mrs.Dean, the cook?” “Of course. Daddy won’t be long sweetheart, I’m just going to meet someone.” I had thought that Mrs.Dean might resent my taking over the kitchen, but when we were introduced she said, “Thank Gawd you’ve arrived. I. Everyone is pushing me to just go back to the way we were. I can't. It's not that I won't, it's that I can't. I've so little memory to go back to. You understand?"She nodded, looking woebegone.I continued, "Give it time. I don't want to go through all my worries and feelings now, but I am willing to meet you and to talk through them all in the future. How's that?"She nodded, "Yes, I'd like that." I don't know whether you will. In fact I rather think it will be painful. This Derek business–" Allan, can we talk just a little about that?" I'm not sure that's a good idea, but go on." When I went back to his place on Sunday, I was very upset and lonely. I had walked out on you after saying I'd be there till Monday morning. My pride wouldn't let me come back. Then I hated Derek for what he'd done, and yes I had to spend that night away from the children and away from you. But I wasn't ready for what I found when I got there."She stopped and looked at me, as if to make sure I had.
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