The he or she (who remembers?) said something like ‘Yeah, she’s an English major, Dean’s List, I was in a Shakespeare class with her last year.’ ‘Does she ever come around here?’ I asked. Yes, I was a puppy indeed. ‘She can’t get in here.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Her wheelchair won’t fit in the elevator.’ Of course, this was in the ghastly pre-Americans With Disabilities Act days, when disabled people were meant neither to be seen nor heard. The rest of us were all hot for desegregation and racial equality (I had friends who Freedom Rode, and we all went to all the appropriate demonstrations), but no one thought about gays, Lesbians, or disabled people, except other gays, Lesbians and disabled persons. It would have been a novel thought to the 19-year old puppy that things should be otherwise. ‘Oh,’ I said. I had written one story that had gotten me second prize in a contest sponsored by the big private university in our city. It meant a half-scholarship, but the other half, all of $800, would. The very thought of standing naked in front of men with them bidding for the privilege of fucking me, both repelled me and excited me. I felt somewhere in the darkest part of my soul, a tingling of excitement, but of course I denied it to myself. My shitty boyfriend was sobbing like a baby. Like a fucking weak little girl. I raised my chin, and glared at the big man. “Fine, let’s do this” He smiled at me and said, “You got more courage than your old man. “ I gritted my teeth, “EX- OLD MAN, and could you arrange for him to have to see me do this? I want him to feel how rotten he is.” The big man grinned from ear to ear now…”Yeah baby, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” He nodded his head and two guys got hold of my boyfriend and dragged him from the room. The big man drove me to a club, and took me around back. There was a huge selection of lingerie and I put on a slutty school girl outfit. I knew that my boyfriend would be watching and that was one of his favorite fantasies..
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