"Huh?" "Nothing." He looks at me weirdly. And I smile, genuinely. My breathing was becoming too erratic; too uneven. I was freaking out. I could feel my face expression breaking into a terrible, worried frown. Oh, god, I was having a panic attack. Immediately, he notices this. I look at the door to see if it was open but I remembered that I had locked it and pulled down the blinds when I came into his classroom earlier. "I don't want to feel this way anymore," I whisper, feeling my eyes getting wet and going wide as I stared at him. "It's too horrible," I say. "Shhh," he grabs my hand and brings me in for a hug. My arms lay flat on his hard, yet comfortable chest as I lay my head there. "You'll be okay. It'll pass," but it wouldn't pass. At least not until I got what I needed. He holds the back of my head and takes in a deep breath, kissing the top of my head. I cried for a bit as he kept comforting me. I was scared of these feelings. I felt dirty but I liked it too much to. Yes I am sure of it now. She's judging me, I just know it.What makes her so much better? That she can sit smugly in an empty subway car looking down at me.I'm just as good as she is!No, not really.She's a Nun, a woman of the faith.Still how can she tell I just got off work?Is the smell of smoke and alcohol that strong?It must be, she couldn't possibly see my outfit beneath these cloths.But she knows, I just know it. The way she keeps looking at me from time to time, with that look of lowly pity... and disgust.Well what the hell does she want from me? Not everyone can be as good as she is! Not every one can be righteous and sinless. I have to pay the bills somehow.Besides, what's it too her that I do what I do? She doesn't know the hours I put in the gym, toning my body to perfection. She doesn't know how it's like performing before a bunch of salivating men. Its hard work. Why should she care what its all for?But she does care. She surely pity's me for using my body and not my mind..
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