Anxious as I was to snap it on and begin aching, I read the instructions carefully. Then I did a Fixed Preset of 12 hours. Seemed like a good start. It asked whether I wanted an open or closed session. Closed meant only I could control it, but Open meant someone within range, who had the app, could claim the session. The instructions said that if I chose Closed, it would be difficult to open it up again, and I would definitely want it to be Open in case I ever got a chastity girlfriend. I shrugged, and left it open.I tried the four tools. Each one could be done on a scale of 1 to 10. Hot and cold were interesting; kind of reminded me that it was there without really doing much. Although at level 10, cold made me wince and hot kind of burned me. Vibrate served its precise purpose: It teased me. At level 10, it was almost enough to make me cum, though not quite. Shock was exactly what it sounded like: A painful electric shock. I tried it at level 1 and 2. I guess some guys like that,. We haven't spoken since.I told my friend Laura about the thing with Kevin, and she thought it was both funny and sad (her exact words!). She thinks I need to tell my therapist about all this (I've been refusing to talk to her about work, you see... more like avoiding).I just re-read all that. Do I sound depressed? I'm not, though. I mean, I was during that week or two during the whole Kevin thing. Maybe writing about it stirred up those emotions again. But see, I realize now that the Kevin thing won’t happen again. And I won't let myself act like that anymore. To prove my point, last week Kevin made one of his typically sexist comments to me and I shot him a look and said, "Do you really want to start that with me?" He just shut up after that.Oh, listen to me rambling on and on. I guess I really am kind of fucked up sexually. Okay, the truth is I’ve actually slept with fourteen different guys; most more than once. I thought I knew everything about everything. I thought I’d tried.
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