Shouting, she answered, “Why? I’ll tell you why! You’re one of the smartest, kindest, tenderest men I’ve ever known!”John was floored. Every woman he’d ever been close to, including his wife, had made a big deal about not getting pregnant. Even his mother seemed to take the attitude it was something a wife had to endure. The few girls in college he had sex with emphasized their fear and anxiety concerning getting pregnant. He’d never met a woman who’d wanted a baby, any baby, much less his specifically. When he tried explaining this to Brenda she laughed, and said, “John, for someone so smart you sure can be dumb. Yes, most girls don’t want children until they’re married and are ready. As for your wife, she was such a bitch-whore that, if she’d gotten pregnant I seriously doubt it would’ve been yours. But, I promise you, when a woman truly falls in love with a man she wants his children so badly it hurts.” After pausing for a moment, she added, “In your case, it’s even more than. “Nothing, absolutely nothing that would make me think that I don’t want to be with you. But, with the way you talk, I can see us getting closer and I...” she hesitated, “I have exactly one sexual encounter in my whole life. That was when I was twelve. I don’t know how to be intimate with someone.” She went quiet and looked out the window.I considered all she had told me in the last day and concluded that intimacy was the real issue. She looks at the rape and its aftermath nineteen years ago and feels that she doesn’t deserve a relationship. She thought of herself as spoilt goods and no one would want to be with her. Over the last nineteen years she hadn’t allowed anyone to get close to her, and suddenly, she had. She was terrified and was asking for help. She didn’t know what to do and she didn’t want to lose her chance.How could anyone hold Fiona responsible for what had happened to her. Anyone that did wasn’t worthy of this beauty woman that I was having the pleasure of sitting.
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