But Im really sorry Britney, I guess this was all a mistake. he said Oh Todd its ok I wanted it too, and aside from all my guilt I was having a lot of fun, my life has always been pretty boring Ive always been just a good girl and I was always worried about making everyone happy and then you came along and it felt good to be bad. We sat silent for another moment. But Jeff is the perfect guy Ill never find another guy like him, and there is no way I can just continue on after all the stuff weve done Im just going to have to tell him, and then I guess well just move on one way or the other. I continued to try to straighten my face. And Im sorry for what I said to you, I just been really stressed out, and I guess I just blew it out on you. But I didnt mean what I said to you ok. I said Todd nodded. So what does Lisa do? I asked Shes a flight attendant. he said are you serious I asked yea Im serious. he said Well what company does she work for? I asked Southwest. he said My mouth. I didn’t expect this. “It was supposed to be another form of denial. We denied you orgasms at Alejandro’s, I denied you freedom of motion and your senses in the boathouse, and this was denying you mobility, pleasure, and pain ... in fact, any kind of contact at all ... including one of the things I know you love most.”“That’s the only reason?”“That’s the only reason of which I’m aware. Why? What happened?”Her answer was disturbingly measured. “At first I thought you were going to leave me there for a little while, then start doing things to me that would force me to leave the mat. I was looking forward to being punished, because I thought that was the point. But when you went downstairs and didn’t come back, I started to feel the same abandonment that I felt at the boathouse. Except that it was different, because there I trusted — even though I couldn’t see or hear you — that all your attention was on me, while today it felt like it wasn’t. And so I started to cry. I was miserable.
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