I wasn’t. Really, I wasn’t. I wasn’t cheating on him, although god knows, I had the opportunity. And it wasn’t like it hadn’t crossed my mind.I loved my kids. I know I’m not putting my best face forward here, but the reality is that my life, as it stood, was intolerable, and I needed to do something about it. So I was.The kids. I should talk about them, so you know I’m not some absolute monster, even though I seem like it.We had two. We lost one through a miscarriage, early in our marriage. That was hard to get through. I never felt it was ‘my fault’, and Jeff, bless him, made damn sure I understood he didn’t, either, but I did rail at the injustice of it. How monstrously unfair it was. How upset and sad it made both of us.We rallied and pulled through, and were rewarded with, first Maisy, and then Andrew, we just called him Drew though. Both are the light of my life. They were millstones around our necks, to be clear, but that’s what comes with the territory. I felt a lot of what. "Well Mike, when you get tired of little girls and want a real woman give me a call," then she got into her car and left.Mike walked up to me and attempted to hug me, but I took a few steps back. "What I can't have a hug?" He asked"I don't know Mike. Can you answer a phone?" I tried to sound as cold as possible. His head dropped in shame. I was so mad at him, but then again there was something inside me that wanted to forget the whole thing and fuck his brains out. I was so confused by my own feelings. Why did this man have so much power over me?"Krystal, I'm sorry. I honestly don't know what to say to fix this. I guess the only explanation I have is that I was scared." "Scared of what Mike?" I asked a little shocked."Scared of how I feel. Krystal, I've never felt this way about any one. Every minute since that night, you are all I can think about. In the past I was able to over look it. Now that I have physically been with you, I can no longer hold them back. And I guess I'm also.
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