If yourmood is stubbornness, I will cut them from you, although it pains me to thinkof ruining your outfit." She sat motionless. She didn't know what to say or if she was ready. They'donly met yesterday. "Why is he doing this?" she thought, "Whymust I leave my comfort zone now?" She was paralyzed. He went to the chair and waited. Several minutes of silence passed. Thenshe rose and delicately shed her clothing. She stood before him, hands in front,covering herself, shortened breath, chest slightly heaving, nipples tightlyknotted, nervousness pervading. He loved this moment, the exhilaration of anxiousness.She loved it also. He sat a moment longer. In silence he drank in his firstgaze at her flesh. His desire mounted. He called inside himself for control.He rose and walked behind her. "Hold still," he said reaching around her body. With the slightesttouch, his fingers traced along her upper thighs and across her stomach, thenover her breasts and tightened nipples. He rested his hands. ” “Why does feeling all girlie and effeminate feel so good?”“I must be some kind of depraved pervert, a queer, a fag”. “What would she say, and do, if she caught you?”You start to develop dark imagery of being caught, exposed and humiliated. They fill you with intense fear but, through constant association with the sensual and emotional girlie pleasures you’re immersed in, and the erotic ecstasy of pleasuring yourself and slowly bring yourself to climax, they conflate into a kind of dark fantasy which arouses you. After you’ve climaxed, with the erotic arousal spent, you suddenly see yourself not as the girl you’d created for yourself in your own mind, but as kind of warped deviant dressed in women’s clothes. You feel disgusted with yourself. The shame and guilt are still there, but without the erotic rush. You discard the stockings, high heels and underwear as quickly as you can. They no longer excite you. You do you best to put them back as you found them, hoping she won’t notice..
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