I sank into depression. How could I have let it all happen? Been so weak? So besotted, walking so stupidly straight to my predictable damnation?I don’t even know how I passed the time until Monday, I just moped the hours away in dull despair. The hearing would seal my fate, and I’d be started on the descent into oblivion.The time finally came. I cleaned myself up, and there I was, sitting head down and trembling slightly, in the council offices’ waiting area. I cursed myself yet again for having thrown my life away. Why hadn’t I just called their bluff? Why had I taken so long to see that Sandra’s gang are too smart to get sucked into a losing proposition like taking on Deirdre’s lot at sex?And why hadn’t I flatly refused to let teenagers’ crazy idea of risk take charge? What a ridiculous way to throw my life away, when I knew what the consequences might be.A woman was walking towards me. Her thighs were a disgrace. “Dr Richards?” she smiled, “We’re ready for you now.” Perhaps I was. He wasn’t upset, we were both commiserating in our misery.Eventually I got to camp. I was a mess. I was stressed by life, and by the immediate logistics of getting there. I had no idea what I’d be doing nor how I was going to manage to teach my class. I didn’t feel connected with myself or my spirituality.A significant part of my spiritual path is working with an aspect of Venus. I experience her as a goddess of love and sexuality, particularly focused on transformation and growth through the more fiery aspects of love. I think there are times when she’s sitting there in our hearts, or wherever we perceive her, smiling as she has an opportunity to nudge two people closer together hoping they will be good for each other. Looking back on my arrival at camp, meeting Susan was one of those times. Susan was new to our cabin; she had been at the event before and was nervous about whether she would fit in and connect this time. I knew this because the person who brought her met me at.
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