I though it was me getting more excited and wanting her even more. The smell in our bedroom that Thursday evening made me reflect on things, and I realised it wasn't me trying more often; Barb had been pushing me away more often.Now Barb's never had much of a sense of smell, whereas mine was always keen. She didn't notice things, but I caught everything. Some smells I loved, like the smell of Barb as I slipped into bed beside her. Other smells I hated. The smell I hated most of all was cigarette smoke. I hated the way it got into your clothes and hair and just lingered. I'd only have to spend an evening in the company of a smoker and I'd smell it on my clothes for days. So smelling it here in my own bedroom rang all sorts of alarm bells. I asked Barb about it, but she couldn't smell anything. She told me I was imagining things. I might have believed her had I not smelt it again on the following Tuesday. I called Barb into the bedroom and asked her about it, and again she denied there. Same with the family. It’s Caroline, Nick’s sister, I’m worried about. She’s in really bad shape. I had hoped that visiting Nick’s grave would help her the way my visit to Birgit’s grave helped me. It seems to have done the opposite. She’s sleeping now, but she wouldn’t talk, eat, or do anything at all after she cried herself to sleep on the grass by the headstone.”“What did Grandmother say?”“To give her some time. Let her sleep. See if she’ll eat something later. She talked about how difficult death is for the young, especially when the person who died is young.”“I can’t even imagine,” Joyce sighed. “Your friend Stephie; that could have been me.”“It could have been any of us, but it wasn’t. The same is true for Birgit’s accident and Nick’s murder. You know what happened with Bethany. And there was my accident. And so many other close calls. It’s tough.”“So why are you with her?”“When she was in Chicago with her parents in August to see Nicholas, she cried on my shoulder and her mom.
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