Balling her fists at her sides like a kid throwing a tantrum, she bellowed a long “Aargh!” in frustration; I hoped no one else heard it. With that catharsis, she came over and hugged me, saying, “I sorry.”“I understand,” I reassured her. “It was horrible for me, too. Maybe not the same way, but I knew I was causing you pain, and I never want to do that.”I had been coming up with a plan for that night. “Tonight, we’ll sleep in shifts. If either sees anything happening, we’ll wake the other person. I’m a night owl, so you can sleep first. The truck should be ready at noon and we’ll get the hell out of Montana!”The sun was warm as we paddled and drifted down the river in our rented canoe. Out in nature, the sounds of wildlife and the flowing water settled us both. I let Julia broach the subject of the night before.“Does it actually say ‘Thank you’?” she asked.“Yes,” I laughed. Whatever these dreams were, they had all the details right. I had never told Julia about it. How could she have. Our parents were really generous with giftsfor the coming baby. We were given a stroller, a baby crib, a changingtable and just about anything you could image a baby needing. Finally, the news came. Our baby had arrived. My hormone treatment wasstopped and quickly my milk started to flow. I had a breast pump and wasusing it several times a day. I couldn't believe how much milk Iproduced. Kevin joked that I was his little Jersey, which didn't go overwell. Within a week we had our baby home. Our parents were there whenhe arrived. Almost immediately he cried and my mother told me he washungry. The men were excused from the room and I undid the front of mynursing bra. The little guy knew instinctively what to do. I felt awarm feeling overcome me as my baby suckled from my breast. "There yougo little guy, Mommy has plenty of milk for you. Yes she does," I cooed.The new grandmothers loved it. "Jamie you are going to be a goodmother," said Mom."I agree," said Grandma.
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