Or so I think, but I never studied Spanish in school and that is what my computer told me.For some strange reason, I have never — OK, one exception — met a woman named Linda who was not at least pretty, if not totally beautiful. It's as if the parents know, while the baby is still in utero that she will be lovely to look at. I say 'she' because you rarely meet any boys named Linda.I've known Linda's of all persuasions: lily white Anglos, brownish Puerto Ricans or other Hispanics and dusky blacks, er, African-Americans. I love them all. The beauty who walked into my store that day fell into the latter category.If you haven't met me before, my name is Bernie. I own a used bookstore but unlike the other fictional Bernie, the only 'crimes' that I would consider committing are fornication, sodomy and adultery, and fortunately they're not crimes anymore. Not in this country, anyway. That's why I have that room in back with the one-way mirror and the convertible couch, which is always in. “French hen two.”“Thank you.” If she was less appreciative of this gift, it was because it had been predictable as soon as the first one was in front of her. Could you even buy a single ping-pong paddle? “Do you want to try out your gifts now?”“Open French hen three.” He handed her the third package. What she unwrapped had obviously started off as a single yardstick. Jonathan had cut it in half and put the pieces together by their sides. One end was wrapped to make a handle, and the two pieces were not quite against each other. There were two lengths of what looked like wire from a coat hanger along the edges of one piece. The one end of each length disappeared into the handle, and the other end stretched beyond nails which Jonathan had driven into the edges of the yardstick.“Can you get into the gym shoes when they’re like that?” he asked. The legs of the wooden chair were in holes in two-by-four pieces of lumber, and the shoes were about a foot apart pointing inward with their toes.
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