She was softly panting, rolling her neck to the side. He wasn't too sure what she was doing at her first, until he looked at the computer screen to see a skinny girl in pigtails, legs spread, being fucked by a stud. He couldn't believe it. He was in absolute astonishment. His sweet, shy, innocent little girl, who shook like a leaf when she stepped outside in a bikini, who blushed if even a kissing scene popped up on television, was masturbating to porn. He was so breathless, he barely said "Susie?" When she heard him speak, her eyes widened, she gasped, quickly closed out of the video, and hopped up. "Daddy," she yelped fearfully and pulled her undone blouse together. "I-I-I," she stammered in the feeblest voice he had ever heard from her. "I'm so sorry," she cried out and burst into tears. She pulled her short plaid skirt down as far as it would go, sunk her head down, and sobbed like a baby. He just exhaled and touched her bouncing shoulder. "Don't be mad at me please, I'm so. When I blink she’s still there. I can’t make it stop. I try but I can’t. ***** People think it’s romantic, losing her, losing him. They’re wrong. There’s nothing romantic about it. Nothing at all. There’s just my apartment growing dimmer. I’m sure it isn’t my imagination. I’m sure it was brighter before. There is no end of books and films about the poor, romantic, bereft loser. Chick lit. Chick flicks. Why do women like them so much? Whatever was inside you, whatever made you alive, drains away. All the meaning of the world circles down. Maybe women want to imagine the happy ending, so much happier when set against misery. Maybe they hope against hope the true-love ending will come to them. Maybe that happens sometimes, but not here. I’ve been staying home a lot, wishing my apartment was haunted by her, that I could feel a presence, but there’s nothing there but nothing. I thought of the window Elizabeth looked through, the time she told me the view reminded her of Mary Poppins’.
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