I was so preoccupied with all the events happening around me, I had little time to digest it all. I had reassured Marika I loved her and that finding out she was a porn actress didn’t change but we both knew that wasn’t completely true. There was no possible way I could view her in the same light ever again.While I was struggling to focus on the stack of work I’d let pile up, my mobile phone rang. It was Marika. I hesitated before picking up.“Hi.”“I called between clients,” she urgently said. “I’m concerned about you, Jack. How you doin’?”“As well as can be expected. It’s been a lot to process,” I lamented.“I’m sorry, but I had a lot to hide. When Andre threatened to expose me, I took the coward’s way out, thinking I could hide my past if I just did what he offered. I didn’t know what else to do and I still don’t.”“Could we talk tonight at home? I’m swamped with work. We’ll work things out. What he’s done to you won’t go unanswered.”“Yeah, see you tonight. I don’t feel much like. I love Chrissy unconditionally, like a mother would, because you and I are so close I couldn’t comprehend that your love would not be the same.’ I felt there was more but Lorraine was silent. I was about to speak when she started again, like she had been deciding something and trying to get the words right in her mind before uttering them. She spoke quietly and uncertainly. ‘I have never told anyone this, and I am not certain that this is the ideal time to tell you, but I need you to understand my thinking. With hindsight I do understand your feelings and I love you even more for them, the fact that our relationship means so much to you and that you feel it is not so special to me.’ She hesitated as if she still was not certain that she wanted to voice her thoughts, then she made up her mind and carried on. ‘I have a – I don’t know what to call it – a fetish, a fantasy? Neither of those accurately describe it really. I am turned on by the thought of people I know having sex, just to.
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