I told her to stop it cos some people will not like what you are doing, her reply its my holiday and I am letting my hair down, Ok but calm down a little. I sat down whilst Dawn went to the toilet and as I watched her walking to the toilet I could see some women pointing at her and saying something, when she came back I said let's move on to the next bar, Ok she said. we walked down this street for a while looking for a nice pub but nothing was standing out, as we walked round this corner there was a club called Paradise, I said let's try that? we walked into this club and it was dark and I mean dark, we must have been the only white people in there, i said to Dawn let's go, her reply no let's give it a chance, i went to the bar ordered a few drinks and we sat down, Dawn was sat with her back to bench facing the bar, i had my back to the bar and all i could feel was eyes looking at us, i said to Dawn are you sat with your legs open, she laughed and said yes. please stop. she said i. As I lugged the tools from my storeroom, I thought of Barbara. As I carried the sacks of mulch from the car, my eyes teared. Barbara would have been appalled by those tears. She was probably sitting on the white cloud hovering over me, watching as I leaned on the handle of my spade in disconsolation. I could see her head gently shaking back and forth in a silent 'tsk tsk'."Jack," she would say, a hand lifting my chin to make me look at her. "Life goes on. You need to live each day to the fullest, to relish its beauty and uniqueness. No pity parties. No gloomy Guses. Come on, Jack. Get on with your living."Yes, Barbara would say that. She faced more than one loss with grace and serenity I envied. Barbara would be right. It had been seventeen months since she died. It was time to stop grieving and get on with living.Saying it is a lot easier than doing it. I had told myself a hundred times to start anew, but my own advice fell on sterile soil. Maybe it was the passage of time. Or, maybe.
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