What used to be considered a side perk of the job we do, is so fucking taboo we are scared to look one in the eye, why couldn't those stupid bitches keep their knickers up?It's a profession that's done by many and has a terrible effect on ones life and marriage, my own ending a few years back at the age of thirty six. The stress, the poor wages, the fucking never ending hours pouring over homework, little love notes from puppy sick boys, written surreptitiously on margins, little hearts drawn with my name, I see it, we all see it, we all felt it as teenagers ourselves, and now it is reciprocated.If I am honest, I know I drink too much and I miss the physicality of a good healthy relationship, my body aches to be taken, two years is a long time for a woman in her prime breeding years, not to feel a man push into her soul and pump his warm seed, regardless of where it lands, just to be humped even occasionally, might ease the headaches and the emptiness, no wonder the boys, my boys,. He was my first lover and although I thought he loved and cared about me I quickly learnt I was wrong, as he became the first man I fell in love with he and the first to break my heart. I would cry over him for many years to come, but he wasn’t going to be the only man to cause me pain and break my heart. When I turned twenty one I was sexually assaulted and raped by a man I thought was my friend, at that moment in time I thought my life was over. It was thanks to another man that worked at the club that I started to mend and heal, but as I turned twenty seven I quickly learnt that I was wrong again. He would end up cheating on me and leaving me on my birthday in the middle of a foreign country, scared frightened and very much alone. My life had certainly been through the mill and through it all there was one constant thing, my soccer club and the friends I had made there. Although I hadn’t seen Theo for a good four years I would often think of him and would wonder how he was, after.
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