It was night, around 7:30. I checked my phone to see a message from my mother. *Hi sweetie, your father and I are going to catch a movie and have a late dinner. Won’t be home until around Midnight. Make sure you and your brother eat. Love you.*It was hard not to take this as a sign. My mind continued to battle itself, though I stopped trying to fight it. The only thing holding me back was a moral consciousness. But as a girl who gave a blowjob to whatever frat boy that brought her a drink, I didn’t really care for my moral consciousness. I walked on towards downstairs, feeling like tv might help take my mind off of things. Then I remembered that my brother is still here, and that this isn’t my dorm room, isolated and would be for hours. Jace was on the tv, flipping through whatever bullshit program popped up. I decided that it had been too long since I had a drink. There were no frat boys to come and make me a drink so I had to do the mixing myself, though I’m sure I made it too. I only really felt it when I tried to visit Thomaskirche in Leipzig – and there I had the impression that Fräulein Hartmann was mostly concerned about how it would look for her if I went off unsupervised.” I looked across at Mrs Wisniewski. “We went everywhere as a group – except when we were at the FDJ camp, helping to bring that out of winter hibernation where we worked in pairs, one of us with one FDJ member.”“How long did you spend at the camp?” Lili asked.“We were there for two nights. During the day we were working hard, opening the camp for the summer, but in the evening, we sat around a fire outside in the forest, just talking and singing songs.” I smiled at the memory.Mrs Wisniewski was still on her hobby horse. “And they told you how wonderful their society was, I suppose.”I thought for a moment. “That’s not the impression I came away with.”Mrs Wisniewski blinked and shifted in her chair, but I did not give her a chance to interject.“Outside of Berlin, all the FDJ people I.
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