. more. Pat, who was the care-giver and lover of my other sister, Brindy.With Brindy's and the sales lady's help I walked out of the store with a beautiful dark blue dress that they both assure me is appropriate for the memorial service. Brindy bought one of similar style and color. Anybody who sees us side by side will know that we wish to be considered as connected together.Dave is home. I do not want to leave Dave alone too long. His sadness is deep. Brindy has told us how deeply Pat felt about her brother in her life, even the part where they were so much more than brother and sister.Dave put his suit on that afternoon and we all loaded up to go to the memorial service. Pat had a lot of friends and us, her family. Gary delivered the eulogy. We received the good wishes of dozens of Pat's friends, then it was time to go home.Home. Without Pat. We had only each other. Gary and Carlie went home to themselves and the kids. Brindy and Dave and I went home to ourselves.We all cuddled. It was dog-eat-dog where the strong survived and the weak succumbed and the result was a culture that worked. Those with a skill or a talent or some degree of knowledge that could be bartered into something better were the winners. The weak or the ignorant looked to those others for their survival, often at the cost of something more precious; their dignity.I was one of the more fortunate and I had learned to take advantage when it was to my benefit. Compassion was not a survival emotion in prison and my compassion had been suppressed for a long time. My work at the clinic was slowly reviving that forgotten emotion and I was trying very hard to remember. But, this is how my mind was functioning now and would dictate my actions toward Nan as this first meeting progressed. I know that sounds cold and distant, but my reality for five years, six months and three days was an eight by twelve foot cell. My return to civilized behavior was not that easily accomplished for someone who lived.
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