At the same time they all slowly marched back together until the whole band was together in the center of the field with alternating cloaks. All the time they were playing this weird mixture of the two school songs, and it never seemed to clash. The two tunes somehow supported and reinforced each other. By this time the entire crowd on both sides of the field were standing and clapping.Then they did something even more amazing. A third tune appeared out of the middle of the melded music. I think it started with a single trumpet player, breaking free from the final verse of the two songs. Then others joined in and soon the new tune soared out over the closing phrases of the school songs. Without any noticeable transition, the entire band was playing the new tune. It was “America the Beautiful” and the entire crowd, already on their feet, started singing along with the band. It was awesome. It was mind-blowing. It sent shivers right through me. Dad always says you haven’t lived until. And so, I stopped waiting and I started trying again. I went on a couple of first dates with kind, intellectual men with good finances, and followed my old ‘this is my preferred type of partner’-pattern. But somehow the Danny Disaster had changed me, I just didn’t trust as easily, and I didn’t let the first dates become second dates. And I didn’t love. I’m not sure if you can understand what it feels like not to be able to live and love fully, when you’ve been living and loving to your heart’s content all your life. A rather large part of you is suddenly gone. At work and with my friends I was still happy, but there were times when I was alone when everything seemed less shiny, less colorful somehow. It’s as close to a depression I had ever come in my life. I shook it off kind of quickly, and the only lasting result of my temporary blues was that I lost some weight, which meant that I could buy some new clothes, two sizes smaller than before. And honestly – retail therapy really does.
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