My entire life was about her, for her, and in two short weeks every hope and desire I had for her seemed to be dissolving before my eyes.She had improperly touched me...fingered me, and I allowed it, my body betraying me...shattering every moral value I ever held. Incest, the very word brought tears to my eyes, ruining the make up I had just applied. My life, my whole adult life had been about children, teaching, everything I considered sacred. And I had this sinking feeling...this feeling I may have thrown it all away...I wept.When I finally pulled myself together, made myself presentable again, I went downstairs. Sarah was in living room reading. I couldn't look at her, quickly exiting to the kitchen for coffee.As I sat at our built in coffee nook, my favorite place in the house, I watched as the birds converged on the feeder Sarah had hung years ago, This was truly the saddest day of my life...even sadder than the day my dad had died...this had an evil attached to it."Mom, mom we. My heart was beating wildly, my fingers refused to deal with buttons, I couldn’t get the knot in my tie to stay in place, and my hair seemed to refuse to do what it normally did. It was ridiculous! But the sense of excitement was also exhilarating. But if I had expected her to somehow signal we might be entering a new area of personal exploration together I would have been disappointed. When I returned she was sitting on one of the lounges, occasionally taking a small, absentminded sip from her glass as she stared into space. She was so deep in thought she obviously didn’t hear me return and it was only when I went to sit down opposite that she suddenly looked up. ‘Ah, Mac!’ she said as though surprised to see me. ‘I’m sorry, I was miles away, our meal will not be long now, just time to finish your drink.’ she added, passing me the glass I had left behind. Then, completely ignoring the remarks I had made just a few minutes before, she said. ‘Now, while we have this extra time.
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