Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.10. Bad decisions make good stories.11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again.13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.16. I disagree with Kay Jewellers. I would bet on any given Friday orSaturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.18. I have a hard. .I can explain, Dave!" he said.But he isn't looking at Dave. He's looking at the end table beside him. Dave follows his glance and sees a small bone. He looks up to see that Jake has forgone modesty and is dashing for it. Dave doesn't know what it is but damned if Jake is going to get it until he explains what the fuck he's doing there. Dave grabs it and Jake howls."Dude, give me that!" he says. "It's mine!"He grabs for it. Dave jumps back, uncomfortable with a naked man advancing on him."Stay back!" he yells. The bone in his hand throbs as if it's alive. Dave stares at it, then looks back at Jake. Jake's face is a masque of horror but he is staying away from you, looking longingly at the thing in Dave's hand.Just then, a woman comes out of Dave's Mom's bedroom. She looks like Dave's Mom, and yet she doesn't. For one thing, she looks ten years younger. For another, her brown hair it a tousled mess and stretches down to her waist when it was cut in a paigeboy that morning. Her once.
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