My mom and I have always been very close; we have always been able to talk about anything, including sex. I have never been the kind of daughter who thinks that her parents never had sex. My parents lived a very open sex life in front of me, and so it was no surprise to mom to know that dad and I had become lovers. However, she still wanted her turn, and tonight would be our time. Once dad was headed off to see grandpa, mom and I finished cleaning the kitchen, then we headed to mom’s bedroom. When I was growing up we lived in a three bedroom house. There was my parent’s room, my room, and a spire room for guess; however, it was mainly used by my mom that is where she would bring her lovers. I loved being in that room, it had an early eighteenth century feel to it, with its levanter walls, antique furniture and a big brass bed. There were always fresh cut flowers from mom’s garden. There was always a romantic setting to the room. That night was not the first time that I had been in. Self-doubt creeps in, seeps in the cracks of the person I have built myself into. It erodes those beliefs that are the foundation of who I am. Yes, I am good. Yes, I am yours. Yes, yes, yes. But, maybe I am too easy. Maybe I should be like all those other women out there, striving and straining to be as good as a man, not needing anyone. Do I give myself of free will? Or is it because I’m not good enough to stand on my own? I hate myself for these thoughts, for the need for approval, the need for reassurance. The constant testing of you, and myself. I haven’t worn any under things today. At all. A small tease, and well, today I’m scattered and unsure. I want to feel unfettered. Our lunch over, small glances to you from time to time tell me that you know what I’ve done, and that you know that I know that you know. But I must wait for your reaction. You remind me of a tiger, only the tip of your tail barely twitching as you wait for the right moment to strike. Suddenly I regret playing.
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