I could hear the concern in his voice. Whatever that thing was that squirted in my belly before, squirted again, and just like that, I was ready to go again.“How soon before you can do that again?” I asked.He blinked at me, and his jaw dropped. “What?” he gasped.My brain, which is capable, on occasion, of coming up with something clever, did so at this point.“I still can’t answer the question. I still don’t know if size matters or not. I think you’re going to have to do that again before I can tell for sure.”Finally he laughed. It was explosive, and short-termed, but he laughed.Then he stopped laughing, and we had a conversation about what to tell my mother. And my siblings.In the end, I decided that my first decision as an adult, was that what had happened in the barn - what Uncle Bob had given me for my birthday - was none of their business.Of course trying to keep such a huge secret from people who knew me that well was ridiculous. Mom was up and frying more eggs when we walked. If there is something that is upsetting you I want to know"There was a pause for a few seconds and then Mary took out a smallhandkerchief from her bag and dried her eyes."I'm sorry, Stephanie, I have no right to have these feelings," she saidhaltingly."What feelings Mary?" I asked."Well, it's hard to say this and it sounds so strange...." she startedto explain and then somehow the words wouldn't come out."Please tell me," I said, turning away from her and slowly pushing thebuggy along the path," I want you to be happy, my love"We walked without talking for a few minutes."I am jealous, Steve," she said quietly. I was surprised at herdeliberate use of my male name."Why?" I asked."It's hard to explain and I don't really understand it myself," shesaid,"but..well, ok it's like this. I see you and Bekka together and Isee you as such a wonderful parent to her, in fact you are both herparents in one." But you are her mother and always will be," I countered."Yes, but I don't feel like I am at.
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