Soon you will even _think_ like a commoner!" I nodded obediently. A part of me felt alive and invigorated by what the captain said. Another part wondered what my mother would think if she could see me now. She'd die of shock right on the spot, no doubt. The very idea that her daughter would be seen with such common trash was scandalous. That her daughter would be engaged in sexual activity with such low-bred creatures--criminals and outlaws, no less--was even worse. That thought made me wonder again why I was cooperating with the captain. Why wasn't I fighting his every advance, screaming at his touch, spitting on his face when I got the chance? I decided it wasn't so much the punishment I feared, though I did dread the spankings and public exposure, but the lack of commitment on my part. I realized that I just didn't really care about my honor, or even the honor of my family. My father was a boor, really, not to speak ill of the dead. He was not much liked by his friends and his. As I said alot of my dreams are just random thoughts. I had breakfast in the nightgown and then dressed for work wearing thenew tie. At lunch I'd call Helen and tell her some of our thoughtsabout the contract and how well the rewrite was coming. Then I'd askKate if she could help me with some questions about make up. The daylooked good. People at work came by to ask if I was OK and I pleaded a hangover froma bad sinus headache. A month ago no one would have asked. Now I wasfriendlier and spoke in nicer tones. I looked around my cubicle andthought about bringing in a small poster I had of the fort in PuertoRico. The hours passed and I found a quiet corner and called Helen.Helen and I talked for a while. She didn't seemed surprised about thechanges Todd Altschul wanted to make to the contract and was pleased tohear I was making good progress on The Rialto Girls. I agreed to sendit in for copyright protection and then e-mail her a draft as soon as Iwas finished. Getting back to my desk.
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