.. and then began the veiled remarks about Bethany, as if her dying was also my fault.And in truth, I’ll never stop feeling guilty about that. No matter how many times Aveline tried to convince me there was nothing I could do, I saw my poor, beautiful sister being grabbed and crushed by that ogre every damn time I closed my eyes, and had for the past year. There was no one who loved Bethany more than me; no one who missed her more. If I’d just been stronger, faster, smarter ... But there was nothing I could do about it now, not that that prevented Mother from piling on the guilt pretty much every time she saw me.Finally having enough, I retreated to the room – little more than a storage closet – that I shared with Carver, flopping down on the bed and escaping from my guilt, and my family, to the Fade.The next morning, Carver was still asleep when I woke early, and I crept into the kitchen to make myself something to eat since I’d gone to bed without supper. Gamlen wasn’t home – hadn’t. You'll probably be put on the computerised machines after the warm-up movements. Do remember that all the girls have been thrashed at least as badly as you, so they won't consider your plight anything special. They'll give you what support they can but don't expect a lot of sympathy."Most of the harem slaves must have been in the gym. There were more girls than in the bedroom last night and there were ten males. All of us were completely naked except two girls wore brief knickers which I found out was due to their period. Only Coach, a small very fit oriental guy, wore loose clothes. My eyes quickly went to the long whip he carried but he didn't seem to use it all that often. Any slave that didn't appear to be working hard enough felt the sting of its tip but it only caused a yelp from the recipient and left a light red mark. He knew how to control it because it could have been a lethal weapon.I soon found out how unfit I was even allowing for my painful movements. He seemed to.
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