He stares and I look hard into his face, trying to see the glint of disgust; trying to read the thought that he wishes that I was younger, prettier, thinner. I see nothing but a man ogling the flesh of a woman who has no way to hide. He looks like a man in lust. I don’t understand him at all. I can’t guess what is going on in his mind.He looks at my face, long, deep, and finally speaks. He says that he loves me. He sounds like he means it. He probably does. He’s stayed married to me for long enough. Then he says that I am beautiful with equal conviction, but I do not believe that.When the hands on the clock reach one fifteen when he stands up and walks behind me. I do not turn my head to follow him, but keep facing forward, watching the slow sweep of the second hand on the big clock face.My arms feel tired and I try to relax them. I have been tense, holding my arms up when I did not have to. I let them rest in their bonds, let the rope hold their weight instead of using my muscles. My. We tried on pair after pair, but noneseemed to fit. Then the girl in this particular department storesuggested we try the women's section of jeans. Wow! Problem immediatelysolved, I fitted perfectly into the girl's jeans. We bought them and wenthome.By way of background, I live with just my Mother, as my Father was killedin a motorcycle accident when I was only two years old. He was a cityhighflyer and although he was a big earner, at 23 years of age he had notestablished a strong life insurance policy. Luckily our four bedroomedhouse was insured and so my Mother at only 22 years of age inherited thehouse mortgage free, but little else. This meant that she had to returnto work as manager of a hairdresser and beauty salon. Mother devoted herlife to me and brought me up with great care and diligence at the expenseof her own life. As our age difference is only twenty years, we are morelike brother and sister and therefore have a very close relationship.I was just finishing school at 18.
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