Chrissie had always made sure that I had clean and ironed linen, that my suits were cleaned on a regular basis and were always pressed with creases where they should be and no creases where they shouldn't. I was also a complete ignoramus in the kitchen. My diet now was mainly take away meals, and that was not good for me. My problems were solved with an unexpected visit from my cousin Jean Herring. It was a Sunday and I was contemplating a steak which I seemed to have massacred, or was it intended to be like boot leather? The doorbell rang and throwing the offending piece of leather into the bin, I went to answer the door. It was my cousin Jean Herring. Jean marched in determinedly. "I'll make us a cup of tea then we'll talk about why I am here." She made for the kitchen as if she was a guided missile. She looked around at the utensils I had out and deduced that I was allegedly cooking my meal. Unerringly she found her way to the bin and picked up the sorry-looking steak. She sighed. And I’m always honest with you. I’ve never lied to you.”“I know, but that’s not what I mean. Let me show you the kind of honesty I’m talking about. So like, when you masturbate, who do you think about?”Darby gasped, “The fuck?! What does that ha—”“You want my help? Just answer the question.”“That’s kinda personal, but fine! Fine! It’s Idris Elba, okay? Happy? Nosy bitch!” Darby smiled at her friend.Nora looked at Darby and gently shook her head. “No, it’s not.”“Yes, it is. He’s crazy hot!”“That’s true. But Darby, when you’re in your bedroom late at night, and it’s just you, your favorite fingers, and your imagination, who are you thinking about?” Nora leaned forward, and her voice became low and conspiratorial. “Come on. You can tell me.” Her voice now a whisper, “I already know. It’s okay. Just say it, Darby.”Darby tried not to let the panic show on her face. How could she possibly know?! There was no fucking way she was going to admit that. Not even to Nora!Nora said, “I know what.
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