And both of them are pregnant.”Between them, there was nothing they could think to say. Smart-ass to the end Jimmy said, “Aunt Marilyn can you and Uncle Ted handle paying for both babies?”Mom got pissed at Jimmy and let him know. “Both babies were covered; now that you are getting older you should know that most shit starters end up getting their ass whipped as they keep on fucking around until an ass-whipping happens to them.”Ted looked at Jimmy and told him this “I don’t know if you are like this back home with the boys there, but I have been watching you always picking at Teddy, don’t bother to deny it the adults in the room were young once you ain’t nothing new.”“What you don’t know is Teddy has been on a leash. As you are visiting and are never here all that long, so short of you hitting him, Teddy has had to let you act like your shit don’t stink, but after seeing you look forward to embarrassing Teddy any chance you thought you could; click, the leash is off. He is six. I replied, “First of all, I’m not a boy. You can call me sir if you need to call me anything. And no, I’m not a lawyer. But anyone who has ever watched television knows that if you aren’t chasing someone and no one inside is screaming for help you need a warrant or permission. You have my permission to get a warrant.”I probably could have avoided pissing him off like that. I could have told him to come on in. I don’t think he could have squeezed his fat ass through the door. But damn that was fun!He glowered at me for a moment and then said, “You don’t move this rig from this spot, ya hear? I’m going to go see the judge and get me a warrant. If you ain’t here when I return I’m gonna put out an APB on you.”I tried to look like I genuinely felt bad about not being able to help him out. I replied, “I’m sorry, sheriff. I need to get going. I’m already behind schedule. So if I’m not under arrest for paying for a loaf of bread then I’m afraid I can’t wait around. But you feel free to catch.
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