"You fucked the living shit out of that young pussy. You'd better clean up before Chris sees you."I went to the restroom and cleaned up. I had a hell of a headache but remember fucking the young woman. I looked at my watch and knew an hour had past since we entered the private room. As we left, the girls we were with, waved to us. On the way out, Bill told me I owed him a hundred dollars that he gave to the girl I was with.I felt bad cheating on Chris. Why did I drink so much? Chris always told me I get crazy when I drink too much. Bill kept telling me that it wasn't a big deal. Every man should get a little on the side every once in awhile. We got in the taxi and it dropped me off at my house. Bill said he would see me on Monday. The last thing he said to me is, "Take care of that sexy little wife of yours," then laughed as the taxi drove away.Chris was awake in bed waiting for me. I felt so knotted up inside when I looked at her. I wanted to break down and tell her the truth, but I. I don’t go to the bathroom. I feel a slight compulsion, but concentrate on how great it will be in Ed’s bedroom instead. I’m getting the hang of this. When every idea is a good idea, the trick is to focus all your attention on one. The more attention I give an idea, the more it grows on me. I give being at Ed’s apartment all my attention. I hurry outside, not even saying goodbye to Barry’s mom. I run the whole way and am out of breath when I arrive at his front steps. I think the drug is wearing off. I have the beginning of a headache and can’t seem to summon a thought in my head. It took my last burst of motivation getting here. Now I have no will or desire left, it seems. I park my ass on Ed’s front steps and rest my head against the handrail. The whole world seems too bright. I can’t wait to be in Ed’s room, in the dark. I wonder when Ed will arrive and whether I’ll still be able to perform for him with the same enthusiasm. I’ll certainly try. The cognitive part of my thinking.
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