But this is where things get weird. I found myself looking at her in her new outfit, thinking how beautifulshe is, and then I thought, oh I hope I can be that pretty one day. Andthen I thought, OMG, did I just think that? That's just wrong!!! Now yousee why I am so confused!March 17, 2012Dear Diary,So something weird happened at school today. Up until today, all thegirlish things that have been happening have really been done TO me by mymom. I mean I didn't protest that much, except for the training bra, whenI put up an argument and even cried. But still, none of it has been myidea. But today, I was hanging out with Mary Beth and the other girls atrecess. I like them, but it's not like I have much of a choice. Eversince I started waring earings, most of the boys have pretty much avoidedme. Anyway, we are on the playground, and Sue Ellen takes out a lip glossthat she took from her mom's purse. It was a pretty, like a frostedberrie color. Anyway, she tries it on, and then. The babysitter had left and as mummy and daddy finally quietened down I was able to get back to sleep.Sometime later I had woken again. I tossed and turned whilst trying to fall back to sleep. Just then I could hear muffled moans and groans coming from the bedroom next door. I had never heard those noises before but I would become accustomed to them from that point on. Despite my lack of sexual experience, I knew only too well what was happening. I knew that daddy was fucking mummy. Feeling absolutely disgusted, I put my fingers in my ears and tried to block out what I was hearing. I couldn’t believe the obvious disregard they had for me as I lay next door. I found myself suddenly wrestling with strange thoughts flowing through my mind. These thoughts would tempt me into picturing mummy and daddy together and would suggest that it was ok to listen to them. It would even be ok to try and sneak a little peep. I finally took my fingers out from my ears and listened. Daddy.
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