He hadn’t even glanced my way.“What?”“Seriously, don’t ‘What?’ me. Just don’t touch her.”Smiling, I went back to my laptop. He preferred using a print-out. We spent another hour going over end-of-month reports and when we were done, he hit a button on a console and the recording session from the father and daughter came on.“Think you can play something?”“For them? No, why? The father’s got it.”“Yeah, but his name won’t sell copies.”I stared at him before speaking. “You know I’m not into that. I don’t want my name out there. Just let all that shit die.”“It’s been, what, 25 years? Get over it and grow a fucking pair. The money goes to vets, you fucking commie.”My neck and ears were growing hot and I was sure I was turning red. “Look, just make a donation. I’ll cover it. It ... You don’t know...”Mike interrupted me, speaking softly, voice laced with anger. “I don’t know? Me? I was there, Alex. Every day and every night. Out of rehab, back in rehab, meeting after meeting after meeting. Ich werd's tun. Ich werd's tun! Ich leih' mir von Papa das Ersatzbrotmesser aus, das er im Keller in dem linken Schrank so schoen saeuberlich in Papier eingewickelt aufbewahrt.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx - EIN JAHR SPAETER - xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxIch hab's getan. Ich habe mein Leben veraendert. Heute ist es mir unerklaerlich, wie ich damals den Mut dafuer habe aufbringen koennen. Meine Therapeutin sagte mal, mein innerer Schmerz waere zu jener Zeit so gross gewesen, dass ich dadurch die Angst vor diesem zu erwartenden koerperlichen Schmerz nicht mehr als beaengstigend empfunden haette. Mag schon sein.Meine "Selbstbehandlung" ging uebrigens fast schief. Aber, waere sie schief gegangen, waere sie eigentlich auch gut verlaufen. Mir ist erzaehlt worden, dass ich nach der Pause gefehlt haette, mein damaliger Lehrer Herr Bauhofer nach mir hat suchen lassen, und dass ich nur ganz durch Zufall von einer Drittklaesslerin, die eine grosse Karte aus dem Kartenraum mit ihrer Lehrerin zusammen geholt.
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