I would slip a roofie into Tamara's drink and wait for her to retire to her bedroom. Once she was out cold, I would pretend to use the guest bathroom and hopefully have a few minutes alone with her. There would be enough people at the party that I wouldn't be missed and if I worked fast I could have what I wanted.It was a simple plan and I like it because it was realistic and actually do-able.I didn't masturbate all that week saving myself for her. I bought a couple of roofies from a friend of mine and purchased the smallest digital video recorder/camera I could find. On the day of the party about fifty people showed up. The more people the better I could disappear. My swim trunks had small pockets on the inside and I concealed the pills and the little camera in plastic in the pockets.Tamara was there wearing an orange floral print spaghetti strap Bikini that matched the highlights of her curly red hair. It was the type that tied on the sides. I was hard looking at her and had to. Life is a funny thing. I shrug to myself and think, ‘Why the hell not? We’re friends… Friends have lunch… It’s normal…’ I reply to her text message, ‘Be there in just a bit.’ I don’t really mention a time. Play it casual. Keep it cool. You’re just an old friend. I shake my head and realize how incredibly bad I am at convincing myself of anything. I grab my keys and run out the door. On the drive to the restaurant, I’m still talking to myself. ‘You’re in a relationship. So is she. You’re friends now and have been for a long time.’ I look at the speedometer and mutter to myself, ‘… then why are you doing 90 in a 55?’ I slow down the car and a take a deep breath. I light a cigarette. A long drag. Ashes out the window and skittering across the pavement. My mind wanders thoughtlessly… The day in front of me plays out like a movie. Different endings, different plots, the same characters… They dance in my head like some sort of mindless chaotic ballet… Brake lights. ‘Whoa!’ I pull the car.
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