Thankfully, it is just a few blocks to my destination. I skitter down the street past the familiar shops, weaving my way through the mass of people who are going about their business. I reach the shop and peer inside to see that there are no other patrons in the small public space. I open the door and hear the jingle announcing my arrival to the proprietor who is hidden in a back room. I venture in and my nostrils are assaulted by the smell of acetone that permeates the close quarters of the shop. “Just a second.” an accented voice calls out. As she steps into the front area of the store, the owner looks me over and says “I thought I put out ‘closed’ sign. I taking late lunch break.” I think to myself that she is from Eastern Europe or Russia but I am not sure. “I’m so sorry.” I reply. “I can come back later.” “No, is okay. You stay. I turn sign now.” And she walks past me to the door and flips the worn cardboard sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed’ and, I notice, flips the lock on the. I had just swallowed my next mouthful of Irish Death Ale when they came to my booth.“Excuses me. We hate to bother you, but we need you to settle a bet for us,” the redhead said.“Ok. Why me and not your guys over there?” I wasn’t wanting to start a fight.“They are our husbands and they are way too biased for what we need to know,” the blonde answered.“Ok. How can I help you?” I was curious.“Which one of us has the best butt?” The brunette asked.The three of them turned and stood there.“Um, I don’t think I can answer that,” I was in so much trouble.“Why not?” The redhead asked.“Well for one thing I can’t sit here and examine your butts with your husbands over there. I could end up getting my ass kicked.”“They won’t mind. Watch,” the ringleader turned and gave her husband the ‘OK’ sign and he waved and returned the sign. “See? He is ok and so are the other two.”“Ok, for another thing, how do I know that your butts are not being shaped by the clothes you are wearing?” I was now in for.
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