Are we going to go through this again? Perhaps I will getAunty Margaret in to help me get you organized, and you know that shewill take none of this nonsense." Margaret was her older sister, and aformidable woman who had initiated the process that lead to Jamiebecoming a sissy. At 14 years of age he was uncontrollable but now,only 6 months later, progress had been made despite the usual morningoutburst. At 5'9" he was slim and fine featured and he had all themakings of a beauty, if only he would cooperate.His mother sat on the edge of the cot and put her hands on either sideof his face as she drew him towards her. "Perhaps a wake up kiss willsettle my little darling down," she said looking directly into his blueeyes that were wet with tears. She ran her tongue over his cheekscollecting his tears, and then kissed him on the mouth in a manner thatshe knew would both arouse him and make him more compliant. Althoughshe didn't like to admit it to Margaret, it aroused her too. She couldsee. No one gives a damn. We wear a black band over our badges when a comrade falls. His replacement will be in next week. It happens’ besides, he knew the risk. We give out shiny medals, and call wounded cops heroes, but in the end, it’s just our job. It’s what we signed up for, and no Goddamn it. It will never, ever pay enough. So how do you make it right? It’s like cheating on your wife, or cheating on your taxes, the first time is the only hard time. After that, it’s the easiest game to play. If you’re not sloppy, you can do it forever. They say the truth will always prevail, but what is the truth? What if you controlled the truth? Then this game’this habit’is your power. Suddenly, drugs, sex, and power are yours. The world is yours. Your brothers in arms, naïve children who don’t know the way. Then, suddenly you get this pain. It’s not physical. It’s not mental. It’s in your heart’it’s like you just found religion. Christ, Himself, just came and donkey punched you in the fucking.
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